You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
