My liver just broke up with me...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
