I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
