He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
