I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
