Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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