I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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