shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
