I hate your face
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
