24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
