First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
