yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
