She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
