I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
