All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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