Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
