I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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