none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
