he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
