i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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