it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
