My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
