Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
