I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
