piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
