i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
