I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
