I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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