so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
