I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
