you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
