I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
