I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
