A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
what day is it and did you see me today?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
