I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
