she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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