really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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