i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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