i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
