I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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