and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
