this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
