You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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