I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
