He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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