they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
