Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
