you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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