Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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