I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
