The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
