i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
