HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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