I don't think brook has ever known best
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
