Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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