I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
