just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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