You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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