1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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