But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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