Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
