And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
