remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
