you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
