did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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