So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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