so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
