i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
