did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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