tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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