yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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