There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
