I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
