also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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